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Sunday, August 22, 2010


It didn't use to be like this. I didn't use to have to take drugs before almost every single ride. Now that my back has gotten as bad as it is, and I no longer keep myself in the amazing shape that I once did, I'm finding it a more common occurrence that I'm dipping into my "goodie" bag before heading out to the barn.

Everything that I take... from pain pills to nerve drugs to God knows what is prescribed to me. I don't take them daily and I try not to build up a tolerance to them, I've been there before. But I do find that it is becoming more frequent that I'm taking them for every ride. It started that I would take them for lessons. I didn't want to have my back freeze up on me while riding with Ryan or with a clinician, so I would preemptively take my pills so as to block things. Then I started taking them on the rides after my rides with my trainer because my back would be sore from riding so hard because I would block so much with the drugs from the previous ride, that I would need assistance for the next ride. Now its just becoming a vicious cycle where I'm starting to think about if I'm hurting myself by over blocking my bodies signals to back off and give it some time to heal, or if I just need to block things with the prescriptions and I'm able to push through them and will just become stronger once I get over this hump.

But I have no idea what this "hump" is. Is it just that the weather has been a bit wetter than usual so I'm reacting to that? Is it because I was studying for the bar and sitting on my ass for so long and then just picked up and started riding a lot after? Is it that I'm starting to actually ride Fire in earnest now and we're actually going to "work" and my back just can't take it? I don't know. I just know that I' get tired of reaching into my purse before each ride and knowing that I have to use the crutch of some pills before taking a lesson or having a hard working ride. I mean, it's not like I'm schooling Grand Prix here, we're working first level movements, and it's only one horse, not a barn full of horses like it use to be.

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